Paper Hearts

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Everywhere you go....

But, it’s February, you say. 

Yes. And today is Valentine’s Eve. Men congregate at various roadside stands, supermarkets or chain stores searching for the least-wilted bouquet of flowers. The good chocolates—the ones with the map on the inside—are probably gone by now. And the cards—let’s talk about the cards!

According to the Greeting Card Association, an estimated 1 billion Valentine’s Day cards are sent each year! Second only to Christmas. Ladies, you purchase approximately 85 percent of all valentines (www.history.com, 2009)

Paper hearts. Pretty colors, be-ribboned, bedazzled with glitter, declaring that you are special and beloved. You are the one. You are favored. You are loved. 

How can something so flimsy and disposable hold such power over us? Let’s think back to this day of love in elementary school. Were you the girl (or boy) whose paper bag was stuffed to the brim with valentines cards? Or maybe your paper bag was like a potato chip bag—mostly stuffed with air. Almost empty. 

Certainly, we gain a better understanding of love as we grow older—right? I’ll be honest. I didn’t. I believed what was written on every love card I was dealt and I was always left feeling hurt or disappointed. Empty. 

The beauty of emptiness is that there is then, finally, room for truth to seep in. To fill up. I traded my empty heart for a new one. And the new one is not paper-thin. It is soft and large. It is sensitive to the Holy Spirit—to the way in which God loves me and would have me love others. Just as He promised.

I'm going to give you a new heart, and I'm going to give you a new spirit within all of your deepest parts. I’ll remove that rock-hard heart of yours and replace it with one that’s sensitive to me (Ezekiel 36:26, ISV).

If on this Valentine’s Day you find yourself without a human hand to hold, a special person with whom to exchange paper hearts, know this—the greatest love is waiting for you. God loves each of us, not because we are lovable, but because He is love (Lewis, C.S.). Written within God’s valentine to us—His Word—we find that love is not found in a box of chocolates, a bouquet of roses, or a fancy meal. It looks nothing like the commercials:

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.  It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance (1 Corinthians 13:4-7, NLT).

The Space Between

So, here we are. It is the middle of January. For many of us, the excitement and joy of the Christmas holiday may have faded. The peace that came with our acknowledgement of the reason for the season—the gift of Jesus —may not sit so securely within your heart right now.  So, what happened between December and January?

The Christmas tree, the wreaths from the windows, the tinsel and pretty paper have been carted to the burn pile or packed away in the attic. The outward signs of the joyous season are gone.  The meats and sweets, the time of gathering with friends and family has been supplanted by resolution-planning, gym-joining, and lists of what not to do in this new year. We return to work and school and think about the next holiday that will allow us to take time out of work and school. 

We are in the space between what was and what is to come.

The space between what's wrong and right

Is where you'll find me hiding, waiting for you

The space between your heart and mine

Is the space we’ll fill with time.

I love The Dave Matthews Band (DMB),  and I especially love their song The Space Between.  As I read the lyrics, I cannot help but apply the essence of the love-relationship song to my relationship with God. God is always waiting for me. I cannot squeeze Him into any corner, nor will He ever not have time for me. Yet, like many of you, I often find there is a feeling of emptiness at this time of year. Why is that and how do I fill it? How do I fill the time?

I think the secret is very simple. Gratitude. 

Remember in November when we posted on Facebook the things for which we were grateful? (And we intended to do that every day of the year, not just around the Thanksgiving holiday!) And the day after Thanksgiving kicked off the Christmas season. Even with the stress of holiday shopping, we were on a roll, a high. Do you remember the feeling of gratitude that enveloped us during that time of giving and receiving? The warmth of kindness we felt as we helped those in need? The joy that came with worshipping our saviour with songs, prayers, and praise? 

That season, those feelings, are not controlled by the calendar. The season can be eternal. Fill the space in your heart with gratitude to God and you will begin to look at your life with awe, renewed hope, and patience. The new year will blush pink with promise, not the blueish hue of sadness. Give thanks for the ordinary and the extraordinary. 

The quiet dusting of winter dew, untouched in early morning light. 

The silent, enormous message of love conveyed in the goodbye wave of an elderly parent.

Arms wrapped around tight, the healing hug.

Farmhouses, held together by old paint and a firm foundation, still standing to testify to life and love.

God’s Word. The promise that there is no empty space between you and Him.  

 Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world.

 - John Milton

Dry Bones

My bones were once soooo dry. Achy, brittle and unable to support me, I often stumbled or fell. Some days I felt as if I could not stand. So I didn’t. I would lie down in the dust of my misery, as if waiting for my soul to continue the path of decay so that I would no longer - feel.

How did these dry bones of mine come to life? Take a couple of moments to listen to this beautiful song by Laura Daigle....

You see, I was like the prodigal daughter, the wayward son, believing the lies that kept me from rising up to be who God created me to be. My spirit was weak. My heart was weak. I had given my will to the winds and whims of the world so that I was drained. Dry. 

But dry things do come to life. You see it as the rain drenches sun-parched ground and the grass and flowers spring back to life. I felt it happen as I chose to drag myself to God’s house, to read His Word, to connect with life-giving people who have become my sisters and brothers in Christ. I found hope and it began to rebuild the layers of strength, confidence, and belief that I thought had died. I just needed someone to speak life into me. For God to breathe life —and I, to inhale. 

And until recently, I thought my bone density was just about right. But, while attending a prayer conference last weekend (Living in Freedom Every Day) sponsored by the Church of the Highlands in Birmingham, AL, I realized that I had not yet reached my saturation point! After returning from such a life-changing event, I decided to acknowledge all that God has done for me. This past weekend, I recommitted myself publicly to God - bones and all - through baptism at my home church ( #c3church #c3whitechristmas) !

My bones have now been soaked—saturated with the Holy Spirit. 

I am called to do all that I can to help others rise out of the ashes.  To pray and proclaim that dry bones will come to life. And I can now step into any valley, unafraid.

We know that there is more to come
That we may not yet see
So with the faith you’ve given us
We’ll step into the valley unafraid

Dry Bones Come Alive

Then he said to me, “Speak a prophetic message to these bones and say, ‘Dry bones, listen to the word of the Lord! This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Look! I am going to put breath into you and make you live again! I will put flesh and muscles on you and cover you with skin. I will put breath into you, and you will come to life. 

Then you will know that I am the Lord.’”

Ezekiel 37:4 - 6

When Less Became More

I love to hear testimonies. You know, life-changing stories. Real life stories of people who have experienced forgiveness, redemption, and love through Christ.  I get excited because each story reminds me of my own renewal, my second, and third, and fourth...chances to become the woman God intended me to be. I’m not there yet, but the hope that lives within me carries me through each new day!

The parable of the prodigal son provides a loose framework to my own testimony. The details are not critical in the context of today’s musing. Suffice to day that I  didn’t get a big inheritance and party it out, but I did make poor choices. Many poor choices.  I was pregnant and married at age nineteen, divorced with two children within a few years. The greener relationship-grass I moved onto had more weeds than I imagined. In fact, I think I came to accept that I did not deserve much more than weeds.

Thank you, God, for reminding me this past weekend that we do not always get what we deserve, but we surely do get what we need! 

I had the privilege to serve and visit in a local community this past weekend, alongside some of my C3 church members, as part of Project 919, Adopt-a-Block. This community, by and large, is composed of lower income residents. Single mothers, fathers, elderly, handicapped, employed, and unemployed. People. People who need people. People who need to see Jesus on the streets.

Why am I going on about this neighborhood? I was once one of “those people”. I used to live in a very similar setting, as a single mom of two children. As I spent time in this neighborhood this past weekend, so many memories rushed back. The humility of shopping for clothes in the flea market, buying dented cans of soup and boxes of cereal at the Salvage Grocery store, reduced school lunches, an address in the “section eight” neighborhood often made me feel less valuable or important. I wanted so much more for myself and my children.

I thought I wanted to forget that I ever lived with less than, but I realize that time in my life is part of my testimony.  Part of what has made me the woman I am today. It reminds me how much more God always has in store! I have smiled quite a bit during the past few days, as I remember the excitement in my kids eyes when I came back with brand name clothes from the flea market. They were excited to get boxes and boxes of Lucky Charms or Honey Nut Cheerios, cans of Chef Boyardee pasta—regardless of the dented cans. We all looked forward to the one night a week when we splurged on Little Caesar’s pizza. It’s funny how I now see that our joy was more sweet when we had less.

God has been patient with me. He has brought me into a land of plenty compared to earlier years. Although a bit of a slow learner, I’ve learned to seek more of Him and less of me and He has given me more than I could have asked or imagined. 

There was a young daughter who hadn’t a clue

She made mistakes by the dozens—

so many days would she rue.

A babe on the way by the end of her teens

La—no worries—on with the dreams

Of white picket fences and a flowery yard,

Two brown-eyed children—

A picture post-card.

Dreams take too long, 

You deserve more than this

She heard in her head;

“Start over, selfish said,

Live but once, then you’re dead!”

Paycheck to paycheck

Second-hand was first choice

Yet, hope was the internal song

to which she still gave voice

Still, her happy tied to people, places, and things

Daughter forgot her Father, the King.

In the world she did wander, seeking the way

That would come

if only 

She would remember to pray.

Her mother did bend Almighty God’s ear:

"Blessing and favor on this daughter of mine

Low she may go, Father God, hold her near”.

And then Love swept low

Caught her breath

Gave new life

To this daughter, mother, the renewed wife.

K. Driggers, 2015

“There are moments when I wish I could roll back the clock and take all the sadness away, but I have the feeling that if I did, the joy would be gone as well.” 

― Nicholas Sparks, A Walk to Remember

18, 980 days and counting....

51 years, 18,980 days....I won't try to figure the hours and seconds - that is math, after all.

I don’t think I’ve lived up to the “old lady” image I conjured up as a child, but, pretty sure one day I will. I will look in the mirror and want to run straight to the tailor and ask that my birthday suit be taken in and hemmed up! I will want to try out my granny’s nighttime Vaseline face regimen. The part of Karen that the world measures against its standards of worth and beauty will one day disappoint. But, God looks at the heart, wherein lies true beauty and eternal hope.



So, you get it - yesterday marked 51 years of Karen. Happy Birthday to me? For some reason, at the end of the day, I felt a bit sad. As if the day held no real significance. It was as if turning 50 had been better! I mean, that was an age that has its own section in the greeting card aisles. People marveled at such a number. "Wow, you look great for 50!" Lots of milestone cards and congrats.


Who decides on milestones?  Like the ones on the interstate highways. What about the miles in between? They aren't that important? Why don't they get a special sign?


And what happens between the ages of 51 and 60?

God only knows. He does not reveal to us the number of days we will have on this earth. But I can decide how I will spend each one of the 1440 minutes/86,400 seconds I have in one day (had to google that).  Will I waste them feeling angry, resentful, jealous, spiteful, or indifferent? Or will I spend each one as if it is my last, encouraging others, lending my time and resources, saying thank you, I  love you, I forgive you… will you forgive me?

Wisdom of the heart. That is what I pray will grow exponentially within me each passing day. Hopefully, my suit-size won't expand as well. But, as I begin the decade-long slide into the next Hallmark Card milestone, I want to remember to number my days. Not as an age-marker, measuring how much time I've lost, or might have left. I want to consciously look at each day as an opportunity for God to enlarge and soften my heart, expand my mind, and intentionally show love and kindness to everyone I meet.

"Teach me to number my days that I may gain a heart of wisdom."  - Psalm 90:12

Oh, The Places You’ll Go!

Congratulations!

Today is your day!

You’re off to great places!

Today is your day!

So, said Dr. Seuss in his wonderful poem, Oh, The Places You Will Go.

And so says God when you say, “I surrender, Lord!”
Just a little over two years ago, I loosened my grip on the world - or I slipped out of the grip of the world, I should say. I let God know I was finally on board with whatever plan He had for me. And He has stretched me and blessed me ever since.
Tomorrow afternoon I will board a plan to Greece to work with people who are on a mission to bring freedom to victims of human trafficking. That thought is sobering and scary; but, it also encouraging. Because I am not just talking, I am doing!
As I think about what potentially lies ahead, I also think about what I have left behind.  I feel so grateful when I think of the places through which God has brought me, as well as hopeful and excited for all that lies ahead—because I DECIDED to trust Him and became willing to do whatever it takes to be close to Him. No longer was I waiting for life to happen to me—I am seeking life.

I have found that when I trust in God, He never fails. He knows the desires of my heart and is bringing things to pass, according to His purpose, in His time. I yearned for love and acceptance and he led me to my husband two years ago. I yearned for self-confidence and respect and He has led me to positions of leadership, relationships where I can encourage, and given me wisdom to help others. He has given me the strength and ability to finish my college degree, a dream I had almost buried. 

In each of us, lies unlimited potential and plans. Maybe not the plans we mapped out—no; they are far more than we can imagine because they are divined by God! God has SO MUCH MORE for each of us, more than we can imagine. If we use the wisdom and talents He has given us, if we will our feet to move forward, our hands to reach out— we will find freedom on a road !

Where will God take you?

"Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you” (Deuteronomy 31:8, NLT)

Temptation and the 5-Second Rule

I love peanut m&ms. I mean, I love them so much that I could consume an entire XXL bag if I just let myself go. And yesterday, I probably would have been tempted to do so; but, the good Lord gave me a way out through my innate clumsiness.

My daughter is an elementary school teacher. And at the end of the year she often receives gifts of appreciation from her students/parents. One student gave her a XXL bag of peanut m&ms, which she so thoughtfully offered to me. Wisdom and experience told me to say, “No, thank you. I am trying to lose a few pounds”. But the foolish me said, “yummy!”, thinking I would only eat a few at a time, over several days. And as soon as I ripped open that bag, the pea-nutty, chocolaty smell began to melt my resolve. One handful. Oh, maybe one more. Well, I was going upstairs to work out; so, maybe a few more for energy....

As I grabbed another handful and turned away, I accidentally tipped the top of the bag and a rainbow of m&ms began to pour from table to floor. My first thought:  Five-second rule! (Don’t tell me you have not been tempted to use this rule before: Drop it—and if it is on the floor for less than five seconds—it’s all good!)  

“Oh, there’s a piece that doesn’t have floor on it!”

I scrambled to pick up a few; but, quickly realized that even the five-second rule wouldn’t help me salvage these babies. I had not vacuumed the floors in several days; so, mixed in with the candy were tufts of hair from our three large mixed-breed dogs, Asher, Toby, and Tori. 

Temptation urged me to sweep them all up and blow off the hair. But I stopped. I thought about the Apostle Paul’s own admission:

I don't really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don't do it. Instead, I do what I hate (Romans 7:15, NLT). 

How many times have I done things that I knew I should not, some much worse than gorging on m&ms, and then wallowed in guilt and shame for having given into temptation? As silly as it sounds, God provided a teaching moment here:  I can choose to do right. He always provides a way out if I keep close enough in relationship to Him to recognize it. 

I swept up the m&ms—and dumped them straight into the garbage. And I felt victorious. And instead of thinking, “Dang it, why I am so clumsy?”, I thanked God for allowing me the klutzy moment that helped me recognize and overcome my temptation.

So, my big victory is in not eating m&ms? Actually, it’s just a sign of continued victory in Jesus. A few years ago, before I really began to walk closely with God, I would have rinsed off the m&ms, ate them, and then, filled with guilt, would have spent about 30 minutes hunched over a toilet trying to throw them back up.  You see, I struggled with bulimia nervosa. 

The real struggle however, was not so much with a desire for food, as it was the need to fill a void in my life. For years I filled that void with the comfort of food (and other things—but that is another story, for  another day and another blog)—until I found that the Holy Spirit satisfied me more than anything on earth ever could. 

"The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure” (1 Corinthians 10:13, NLT).

The devil may know our weaknesses, those things that tempt us to lead us down wrong paths, mess with our minds and bodies; but, so does God. Satan is cunning. He can tempt us; but, he is not omniscient. He is not God. I have learned that the closer I walk with God, become familiar with His ways and His words, I see the way out clearer than before. And faster than “five seconds”.

Be sober and self-controlled. Be watchful. Your adversary, the devil, walks around like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour (1 peter 5:8, WEB)