Dear Friends:
I am here! I am here! The going was a bit rough, but I made it! I woke up early this morning, even though I could have slept in. Crazy, huh? But, there are so many things I want to do that I could not do back there—I can’t wait to get started! I hope I didn’t forget to bring anything—probably not; you know I hate to leave things behind and pack things I don’t even need! I will write again soon and let you know all about the new people, places, and great things I am doing.
XOXO - Love you and wish you were here!
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March 29, 2017
Dear Friends,
I know, I know—it’s been 3 months since I’ve written. Sorry, my bad. I bet you think I fell off the face of the planet. It’s just... well, things here aren’t exactly as I imagined they would be. I tend to get a bit lost (not surprising). Don’t get me wrong, this place ain’t bad by any means. I mean, none of that same old work-stress, traffic, and dressing up. Yoga pants, jeans, tennis shoes, and flip flops—awesome, right? But, want to know something weird? Now that I am here, I realize it’s not much different from there! But, I am sure I will find my way around soon!
XOXO - Love you and wish you were here!
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And so, friends, here I am. What felt like NOWHERE a month ago, is my here and now.
Now, I am the girl with the to-do list. In fact, I am the girl that adds to her list the things she has already done so that she can feel the satisfaction of crossing stuff off the list! Always things to do. Always a goal to reach. A place to be. A need to get from here to there. But when you get there, you find you are here—or for some 80’s movie trivia, recall the wisdom of Buckaroo Bonzai: “Cause no matter where you go, there you are” (The Adventures of Buckaroo Bonzai Across the 8th Dimension, 1984).
So, the most important lesson I’ve learned is to be present.
A difficult task for me because the present is not always a pleasant place. I want to know what lies ahead and I want to know now! But, instead of talking over top of God I am learning to be still and let my heart sense what He has to say. As I have practiced being still, reflecting instead of deflecting, I am learning to accept that problems will always persist. But why do wounds, which I thought were healed, remain tender? Challenges associated with the past still plague me?
Breaking the silence of my stillness I recently screamed at God, “Why do I feel so lost? Confused? Overwhelmed? What is wrong with me?”
And every so gently I sensed Him telling me to “check my bags”.
Huh?
I needed to check my proverbial baggage. And there they were, hidden in the recesses of my heart and mind, the things I thought I left behind: fear of failure, doubt in my God-given abilities and talents, guilt that I can never do enough, fear of saying, “no”, along with an assortment of other accessories.
It’s time to throw away the things I once wore. God knows the problems I will face, what appear to be giants in my own eyes. The promise that God gave to the Israelites regarding the promised land holds true for me: He has brought me to the place he promised. I am not to be afraid of any difficulty or trial because He is with me. It will take time to overcome my enemies: my internal critic, my insecurities, my fears, and doubts. God is preparing me, showing me that in order to grow and accomplish all that He has for me, I need to depend on Him and trust Him, daily—now—here.
I hope you get a chance to visit NOWHERE. When you do, be sure to send a postcard 😉
“Little by little I will drive them out from before you, until you have increased”
Exodus 12:20, NKJV
