The ants go marching one by one: A lesson from the yard

One of the things on my "If I won the lottery" list is to have a yard straight out of Southern Living magazine—or maybe like one of the English gardens I see on Masterpiece Theatre.  Given I have yet to buy a lottery ticket, I do the best with what we've got.  I have a few special spaces to which I tend and I hope one day will make you want to just sit down and appreciate the beauty in nature.

Like my dilapidated pallet garden, which is slowing coming back to life after being nearly destroyed by hurricane Matthew in 2016. We have received a lot of rain in recent days, which has brought renewed life and growth. The flowers are blooming, the fish ponds are full, the butterflies and birds are flitting and flying, the grass is green—but so are the weeds. It's like they procreate overnight. And good luck trying to pull some of them by hand without hurting yourself.

And the ants. Good gosh. If the ants were to ever rebel, we would be in trouble. As I've worked in the yard the past few days I've waffled between amazement and fear of them. Especially fire ants. Those minute little minions have built townhouses and condos everywhere. 
  

"You lazy fool, look at an ant. Watch it closely; let it teach you a thing or two" - Proverbs 6:6 (MSG)

Maybe you think of this scripture—or a Pixar movie—when you think about the industrious little ant. How inspiring and empowering—just think of all we could accomplish, regardless of our size, background, or resources, if we just persevere!

Well, that's a lesson for another day. Remember the weeds? Well, this isn't so much about weeds either but, that's where today's lesson began.

I felt pretty safe today, armed with my long handled garden claw. I stood high above the ant towers, the claw making short-shrift of crabgrass, dandelions, and other thorny things. It wasn't until I felt that first sting on my left hand, then my right, that I realized I was in trouble. 

Fire ants!

As I rinsed my wounds with water and applied pain and itch relief cream, I berated myself. How stupid! How did I not see that the ants were on me? Focused on the task at hand, they caught me unaware. But it was in the midst of my pain and regret that I sensed God's quiet revelation—the other lesson to be learned from the mighty little ants.

They sneak up on you when you're not aware. When you focus too hard on what you think to be the right thing—or on what you know to be the wrong thing.

My first encounter with fire ants years ago left scars on my feet. They served as a reminder of the painful experience and how long it took to heal. I became more cautious, more aware of my surroundings. To not stand still in a dangerous place. But scars fade. And how easy it is to become complacent,  to believe that I am in complete control of my circumstances.

So, yes; let me look at the ants from a new perspective. The little things that I think I can control, yet, over time, build up and threaten to overwhelm me when I am focused on other things. Those things that bite and sting and scar. Doubt. Fear. Distrust. Judgment. Vanity. Jealousy. Insecurity.

Ouch. 

Thank you, God, for reminding me that my scars—seen and unseen—serve a purpose.  Help me to keep my eyes on my thoughts—those insidious fiery ants—making sure they do not build strongholds in my mind or heart. Help me to know when to run from the poisonous and painful. To always stand firm in the wisdom of your Word.

TrAsher...Treasure ?

The highlight of a recent gathering of friends at our home wasn't the food, poolside fun, or even the fellowship. It was my dog, Asher—known to some as TrAsher. Yes, that white dog. The one with a mouth like The Joker—and unless you know him, you can't decide if he's grinning with joy or on the attack....

If you knew Asher as a puppy, you recall his endearingly big ears and his ever-growing obsession with playing ball, as well as the threat he posed to shoes, clothes, toys, magazines—even the Bible. Hence, the nickname, "TrAsher".  I chalked his frustrating habits up to high energy, boredom, age, etc. Surely, he would grow out of it. But, as he grew, Asher became skittish around strangers—especially kids—and the moniker took on another meaning.

October 12, 2013. Derek and I married and had the brilliant idea of hosting the wedding reception at our house. Funny how one of the most memorable days of my life is remembered by others as the day "your dog bit that little girl". And for the past five years, Asher has been the source of many lighthearted jokes and warnings about coming to our house. I've laughed it off, but still felt slightly wounded because of the unconditional love and comfort Asher has brought to my life. If you would only give him a second chance...You'll see how he's changed, how sweet and funny he is. And why I love him.

Of course Asher and our other dog, Toby, began barking as people began to arrive that day. The first to arrive are just big people and he's all good. He's gotten quite used to adults. But, when the first carload of kids rolls up, my stomach flip-flops. My mind races—quick, find a tennis ball to distract him. Stay calm or he'll get anxious. Make sure you have some cookies on hand. Please, don't let someone bring up the wedding....

Be still and know...whispered my heart.

I smiled as I watched Asher weave his way in and around kids and adults the rest of the evening, wagging his tail, trying to coax someone into playing ball. The closest his teeth came to anyone was as he stole a hotdog from a girl's hand. What joy to hear how much she liked my dog, as she gave him another hot dog! She sees him. As the evening wound down, a couple of my husband's friends expressed amazement that Asher was so calm.

"I remember that time he almost went after my kid."
"Didn't he bite someone at your wedding?"

I fought back the need to defend his past, instead giving God the glory for answering my prayers. But, it was as if they did not want to let go of the negative.  As if it was too good to be true.

Once a bad dog, always a bad dog.

But aren't we all guilty of that at times? So much more fun to rehash the mistakes of others than believe and delight in their progress. Yeah, but remember when.... I'm glad Asher doesn't get that he was being judged for his past behavior, labeled so that people would not see him as I see him and know him.

Like my heavenly Father sees me.

If for no other purpose, our little cook-out reminds me that, in spite of my past mistakes, the times I have hurt others—and how often people remind me—I am defined only by who I am today, in Christ.

Maybe you are like me, like Asher, and have a history that some people cannot or will not let go. I hope and pray you come to believe that God can turn your mistakes into a masterpiece, give beauty for ashes. The life you think is trashed, is a treasure to God.

With time and prayer, Asher has learned—is still learning—to leave behind old ways and destructive habits. Why, one could almost say he is a gentleman and a scholar.

What Lies Beneath

One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish...old fish, new fish—NO DANG FISH!

I knew what should lie beneath the waters of my little pond—ten assorted Koi and Shubunkin— but I couldn’t see them with my own eyes.

Day after day I stared into the murky water of my fish pond. My eyes sometimes watered from the strain of squinting—and hoping. Hoping for some sign of life beyond the bumpy eyes of the frogs that followed me from beneath the lily pads!

Of course my husband wasn’t the least bit concerned. He said I just had to be patient and trust that they were there. But the Good Lord knows that this girl likes to get a sign!

And so it was, as I stood peering into the water one day faithfully sprinkling fish food, that I saw something move. Something darted beneath the water’s surface—and it wasn’t a frog!  And with my excitement came the familiar feeling of peace I receive when I finally see what God really wants me to see—and I pictured God grinning as He said, “Here’s your sign!”

🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟

Too often I view life much as I had viewed my little fish pond. I imagine how things should appear in my own life, the lives of my children, my family and friends. But the unexpected, the unanticipated—the muck and mire from the past and fear of the future—can muddy the surface of our lives. Cloud our vision, our faith, and dim our confidence in the promises of God.

Some simple pond-pondering:

• Don’t let fear, worry, anger or other negative thoughts clog your mind and heart.
• Keep your filters—your hearts and minds—clean!
• Accept the good with the bad. God uses both to shape our character—ponds attract both fish and frogs!
• What lies beneath—or seems hidden or unclear will eventually come to light. You do your part, with faith that God will handle the rest in His perfect timing.

And so it is now that the pond by which I thought I would sit and ponder so deeply and profoundly has become a place that reminds me that what lies beneath—what lies within me—are faith, hope, and love.

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see (Hebrews 11:1)

Now, take a minute to see what I now see. 

Postcards from Nowhere

                                                         December 28, 2016

Dear Friends:

I am here! I am here! The going was a bit rough, but I made it!  I woke up early this morning, even though I could have slept in. Crazy, huh? But, there are so many things I want to do that I could not do back there—I can’t wait to get started! I hope I didn’t forget to bring anything—probably not; you know I hate to leave things behind and pack things I don’t even need!  I will write again soon and let you know all about the new people, places, and great things I am doing. 

XOXO - Love you and wish you were here!
_______________________________________________________________



                                                                     March 29, 2017

Dear Friends,

I know, I know—it’s been 3 months since I’ve written. Sorry, my bad. I bet you think I fell off the face of the planet. It’s just... well, things here aren’t exactly as I imagined they would be. I tend to get a bit lost (not surprising). Don’t get me wrong, this place ain’t bad by any means. I mean, none of that same old work-stress, traffic, and dressing up. Yoga pants, jeans, tennis shoes, and flip flops—awesome, right?   But, want to know something weird? Now that I am here, I realize it’s not much different from there! But, I am sure I will find my way around soon!

XOXO - Love you and wish you were here!
_____________________________________________________________

And so, friends, here I am. What felt like NOWHERE a month ago, is my here and now. 

Now, I am the girl with the to-do list. In fact, I am the girl that adds to her list the things she has already done so that she can feel the satisfaction of crossing stuff off the list! Always things to do. Always a goal to reach. A place to be. A need to get from here to there. But when you get there, you find you are here—or for some 80’s movie trivia, recall the wisdom of Buckaroo Bonzai: “Cause no matter where you go, there you are” (The Adventures of Buckaroo Bonzai Across the 8th Dimension, 1984). 

So, the most important lesson I’ve learned is to be present.

A difficult task for me because the present is not always a pleasant place. I want to know what lies ahead and I want to know now! But, instead of talking over top of God I am learning to be still and let my heart sense what He has to say. As I have practiced being still, reflecting instead of deflecting, I am learning to accept that problems will always persist. But why do wounds, which I thought were healed, remain tender? Challenges associated with the past still plague me?

Breaking the silence of my stillness I recently screamed at God, “Why do I feel so lost? Confused? Overwhelmed? What is wrong with me?”

And every so gently I sensed Him telling me to “check my bags”.

Huh? 


I needed to check my proverbial baggage. And there they were, hidden in the recesses of my heart and mind, the things I thought I left behind: fear of failure, doubt in my God-given abilities and talents, guilt that I can never do enough, fear of saying, “no”, along with an assortment of other accessories.

It’s time to throw away the things I once wore. God knows the problems I will face, what appear to be giants in my own eyes. The promise that God gave to the Israelites regarding the promised land holds true for me: He has brought me to the place he promised. I am not to be afraid of any difficulty or trial because He is with me.  It will take time to overcome my enemies: my internal critic, my insecurities, my fears, and doubts. God is preparing me, showing me that in order to grow and accomplish all that He has for me, I need to depend on Him and trust Him, daily—now—here.

I hope you get a chance to visit NOWHERE. When you do, be sure to send a postcard 😉

“Little by little I will drive them out from before you, until you have increased”

 Exodus 12:20, NKJV

Are We There Yet? (Part 1 of my journey into the promised land)

Maybe you read the story or saw a movie about Moses and the Israelite’s journey out of Egypt. If so, you may recall that God first led the Israelites to Egypt to escape a dire famine. And there they stayed for hundreds of years. While initially a place of provision, the inevitable groaning that rises from captivity—a place where one does not belong— was heard. And God made for them a way out.

Moses told them they were on their way to the promised land! Cue high fives and shouts of joy—headed to a land flowing with milk and honey!

If you know the rest of the story, you know that the trip didn’t quite meet their expectations. It was a long and winding road indeed. They didn’t follow directions, but were instead led by their feelings, fears, and emotions.

“Meh...I don’t feel like waiting on Moses to finish his meeting with God and come down from that mountain. I don’t trust him, even if God did get us out of Egypt (with parting gifts of silver and gold), part the Red Sea, and destroy those who wanted to drag us back into slavery.  Let’s make a cool golden calf and .... party like it’s 1999 (B.C.).

And, there you have it. The people sidetracked themselves. Instead of entering a place of rest, they wandered in the desert for 40 years, wondering, “Are we there yet?”

                                                          😩 😩 😩 😩 😩 😩 😩 😩 😩 😩 😩 😩 😩 😩 😩 😩 😩

I escaped my proverbial “Egypt” two months ago, yesterday, as I left full time employment in the corporate world. Don’t misunderstand, I was not a slave to some harsh taskmaster. Quite the contrary, for over twenty years I was blessed to work with some phenomenal people. God undeniably led me to a place of provision to help me support my kids and establish a path for opportunity. And I am grateful. But, over the years I became a captive, nonetheless. My own insecurities, people-pleasing tendencies, and a need for the familiar left me feeling tethered to a job situation that chafed at me, made me uncomfortable, and fueled an inner frustration. My provision had become a prison.

Until God made a way out.

Doors shut, then opened. I was accepted into grad school and able to resign from my job. I could almost smell the days of wine and roses— meaningful discourse with fellow grad students,  a part time job, plenty of time to catch up on personal projects, and time with my family.  No more 5 a.m. alarms, stressful drive times, and long hours. This is it, the place of rest—the promised land is up ahead!

⥀ ⥀ ⥀ ⥀ ⥀ ⥀ ⥀ ⥀ ⥀ ⥀ ⥀ ⥀ ⥀ ⥀ ⥀ ⥀

Am I there yet?

I have to wonder, Did I make a wrong turn?  Where is the milk and honey? The hammock and the umbrella drinks? The carefree days ?  

Although I start each day with hope and a smile, spend the morning reading God’s Word and journaling, listening to inspirational podcasts from faves like Joyce Meyer and Steven Furtick from Elevation Church, my skin has crackled with the itch of anxiety, fear, and doubt. Each day has often felt like a roller coaster, where I am lurching upward on tracks of hopes and dreams, knowing the downhill slide of worry and what if lay just ahead. Not what I expected.

Hey, God! I don’t know how it happened, but I think I’m lost. I am stuck here, in the middle of NOWHERE!

And ever so quietly in my spirit today, while in the shower, no less—there was God telling me this is EXACTLY where He wants me to be. He made a way for me to leave Egypt behind and come to this place. Nowhere.

NOW here. Here, where, God will help me face my enemies.

Stay tuned for the rest of the journey....

Home is where the heart is...who is living in yours?

When I remarried almost three years ago, I had the bright idea to rent out my home. The first tenants were complete strangers; so, perhaps not a complete surprise that they left within a few months—short on rent and long on damages. The next occupant seemed a perfect fit. And for almost a year my home appeared to be well-maintained and the rent was on time. I relaxed. Everything looked great from the outside. But, everything hidden eventually comes to light.

When I lived in my little yellow house—the first home I had ever owned—I loved to mow the grass. I looked at it as the perfect opportunity to burn some calories—and reflect.  So, this past weekend I found myself mowing and mulling at my old house. Back and forth across the accumulation of crabgrass and clover, I pushed the mower and recalled how adorable and comfortable my home once was. The grass well-maintained. The backyard a calm and peaceful place to sit and read (except for the barking of the neighbors dogs). Inside, each room was colorful and inviting. Until I allowed other people to take up residence.

Then, over the dull roar of the lawnmower—God.
Gently asking me if I cared as much about the state of my heart as I did about a home.

Isn’t your heart My home? Will you take greater care in deciding who you let into your heart—My home—than you did this house? 

God, you got me.
I asked Jesus into my heart. And Your Holy Spirit lives in me.  You know me. You love me better than anyone. Am I paying as much attention as I should to the condition of Your home?

Mowing right along, I realized that I am now paying the price—financial and emotional—for my inattention to the condition of my home and the character of the tenants who lived there. To make things right, to maintain the value of my property, I will make repairs. But, I will not value a house above the state of my heart.

I have often rented or sublet my heart quite cheaply, with some pretty messy results. But God. BUT GOD!
The God who loves me, who lives in my heart—how many times has He fixed my mess?  Time and again, He has repaired my damaged heart. He has brought healing—made me whole.

God is not an absent landlord. His son paid the price for my heart—and yours—at Calvary. Crazy, right? He owns my heart, yet He enters in only when invited. As I trust in Him, He works to make my heart, His home, larger and more beautiful than I could ever imagine.

Who is living in your heart?

"...Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,” (Ephesians 3:17 - 19, NLT)

                                                                                                     

What the caterpillar thought

or did she?

This dying to self, becoming something new - this is a bit of work!, thought the caterpillar. How many times had she shed her skin as she grew? Different colors, different sizes. Still, she knew she was not yet what she was meant to be.

So, here she was, tucked away on the underside of a leaf, trying something new. Something...life-changing. Creating this cocoon had certainly been hard work. To what end? She was not sure, but she had faith that she would be better than before.

Encased in her silken world, she felt safe, at peace. Yet, she was also full of excitement and anticipation. She felt something shifting and changing inside.She imagined reentering the world as a beautiful and wise butterfly. Loved and adored by all. No longer a creeping caterpillar.
Soon, I will be free. Different.
 
Even so, that demon of doubt sometimes plagued her as she lay nestled inside her protective cocoon.

This is taking so long! Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I won't be more than what I have always been....

But just when the caterpillar thought that her life might never change, she emerged from her cocoon. A  beautiful new...

moth?


What? Wait, that isn’t how the story is supposed to go!






Well, let's face it people. Some stories don't turn out the way you expect. Rest assured though, God has written our stories exactly as they should be. Transformation does not happen overnight - true story! Metamorphosis takes place after we've made some outward changes, while God changes up the inside. It happens when we allow ourselves to be covered and protected—over time. And when the time is right, we will be new creatures. Moth or butterfly, it matters not. Butterflies may be admired for their beauty, but moths create silken beauty.  Both are valued, loved, and prized for the qualities instilled by the Creator.


Over the past few years, I have committed to doing life with others in my church. I recently realized that it has been within the cocoon of my small group(s) that my life has changed. Transformation does not take place in isolation! It is within the cocoon of fellowship, a connection with life-giving friends and mentors that lives change.


Choose to let your life be wrapped up and covered with the prayers, encouragement, laughter, and accountability of life-giving friends. Over time, the old will pass away; you will be transformed.

Once I was a caterpillar, trying to change my life by changing my skin. Changing what the world saw in me. I wanted to be a beautiful butterfly, adored and accepted. I slipped from one sinful skin to the next—still I was but a caterpillar. Who am I now? The world will judge that according to its standards, but I do know that it doesn't really matter what I look like. "For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” (1 Samuel: 17:7, ESV).





The Luna Moth,
a beauty in its own right.
For more on moths and butterflies... 

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold,the new has come - 2 Corinthians 5:17, ESV